Don’t count me out yet

Posted: May 9, 2012 in Uncategorized

  Hey guys, I know it’s been awhile.  All I can say is that life happens, and I’ve certainly had a lion’s share of bullshit to deal with in the recent weeks.  Rather than sit here and dish out a bunch of excuses about moving and trying to get my shit together, all I can do is promise that now that the dust has settled  I’m going to become more diligent about posting and keeping ya’ll in the loop.

  I’ve been doing alot of thinking here over the past several weeks.  I’m going to get away from the normalcy of the talking about my bouncing mayhem to share some thoughts I’ve recently had.

The turbulence and life changes I’ve been dealing with have taken me in a different direction here recently with my heart desires and what I want out of life.  Fact of the matter is that I may not have the means to do it, but I’ll be a son of bitch if I don’t go out swinging try to make it there. 

  Oppotunities to turn a dream into a reality are fleeting.  The path to make this happen certainly isn’t paved in gold, sunshine and lolly pops.  More like paved in pain, sacrifice and heartache. I’m never going to be rich.  Hell…..I may never be successful either.  What I do have is god damn solid grasp on who I am and what I’m good at. 

  The theory of evolution claims that only the strong survive….maybe so.  The theory of competition states that just because the odds are stacked against doesn’t mean you can’t go out kick a little ass in the process. 

  What every long shot, come from behind, underdog will tell you is that passion can trump logic in any situation.  Success has been and contiues to defined as getting up one more time than you get knocked down.  Not everyone has the education, smarts or fucking guts to make it happen. It is through hard work, sacrifice, and dedication that all things are possible. 

My parting words are that no one owes a thing. So get out there! Get out on top! Dream bigger,  and work hard to get what you want. 

I’ve picked up some extra shifts at the bar, and they just so happen to be Thursdays.  The biggest night out for amatuers. I’ll some stories come Friday. 

Til next time my friends.



I got written up

Posted: April 12, 2012 in Uncategorized

Hello loyal readers! What’s shakin out there? 

  Sorry for the lat post this week guys, but I’ve been down sick for a solid 4 days now and that’s on top of a strained muscle in my neck that has me walking around like a some kind of  freak.  As you can imagine this trying to be a bouncer when your half concious because your doped up on cold meds and with throbbing pain in the neck it’s not such a fun experience. 

  So I came with a some what crappy attitude due to the health circumstances it didn’t start my night out on the greatest note.  However, being the night before Easter I wasn’t anticipating too many people to be out and actin a fool. 

My anticipation proved to be right as the night wore on because there wasn’t a damn thing that happened. It was one fo those magical evenings that all bouncers should revel in because they don’t along too often.  No one got mouthy, no one fought, no one did anything worthy of throwing out. 

One event worthy of note was the return of my dear sweet friend “Bob” from St. Patty’s Day.  the man came into the bar and the first he did was extend his hand to apologize for “being such a fucking asshole.”   In this day and age with bars full of Jersey Shore knock off,  pussy hipster douches, and faggy frat boys apologies for nto being able to handle your booze are something from a long age.  So needless to say that this was shocking to me.  We actually talked for a few minutes and he actually didn’t seem like too bad of a guy.  He could’ve been puttin me on, but who knows? 

So aside from Bob’s apology the night ended without any incident at all. 

In other developments, as you may remember from a past post, this fucking bully “Ed” who I’ve been dealing with intermitently for the past 10 months?  Well as it turns out not only is he a bully who gets beer balls, but he’s also a pussy.  He had had the fortitude to write a complaint letter to the corporation I happen to work for.  Now this isn’t the first time he’s done it either.  The last time I threw him out for threatening me and acting like an ass he wrote one too.  The general manager offered for him and his friends to come and have a sit down chat with him…..face to face, like adults do.  Those cowarss never showed and nothing was ever resolved. 

So this coward has the balls to come back continually and harrass me, but will have nothing to do with extending a peace offering?  It’s young men like him who give my entire generation a bad name are all that is wrong with the world tofay………  With all due respect sir…you Ed can go fuck your mother. 

That’s all I have for this week kids.  Behave out there : )



Hit me up if ya want to hear about something specific or have any questions…


A Thin Line

Posted: April 3, 2012 in Uncategorized


Has anyone of you ever been pushed so hard by someone or a situation that it drives you to brink of insanity? 

This past weekend, I had a situation come up which made me question that very fact about myself.  Here’s a lil backround..

About 10 months ago, I had a run in with a patron who told me he was going to “beat my ass”.  Short story, he didn’t and infact was the one on the outside looking in when I threw him out of the bar.  This was followed by him and one of his lacky friends posturing and being held back by friends.  The idiot who said that to me has yet to be seen again (he allegedly lives out of town).  His lacky friend however, has shown his face several times around the bar I work at since. 

Every single time the lacky (who from this point we’ll call him Ed) has come into the bar, he has not only attempted to bait me into a physical confrontation but he’s also  degraded and demeaned just about everything about myself, and also insulted my family.  It goes without saying that several times since the intial run in, I’ve shown Ed’s ass to the door.  It got to a point where they started coming in and doing the same thing with patrons and my coworkers. 

 The last time this happened, Ed was told he was no longer welcome on the premisis. 

It’s my firm belief that some people in this world are born to derelicts and bullies.  In this time frame Ed has proven himself to be nothing more than that.  A common bully, a cheap dimestore hood who needs to make others around him miserable so he can feel better about his own pathetic life. 

What Ed fails to realize is that I hate bullies.  Being a victim of them gowing up, I do not respond well when people think they’re going to get one over on me & physically intimdate me (which Ed doesn’t) or continually do so through words and actions. 

This past weekend, apprently Ed and his boys got liquored up enough to work up the balls to come in.  As a bouncer, these situations will come up from time to time, where an idiot will try and test your meddle.   Generally in these situations I’m perfectly fine, as long as you don’t both me, I’m not going to go out my way to stir unnecessary situations with anyone.  I just want to collect a check and call it a day. 

Ed however has taken this to the next step with the continuation of this matter over the past 10 months. In my book it’s now become personal.  Everyone’s been thrown out of a bar before, myself included.  Either don’t come back, or conduct yourself like a man and apologize for being an asshole the next time you come in. 

The second Ed and his boys walked in this past weekend I recognized him.  I told him he knows he’s not welcome there and take a walk.  When he refused I helped him find the door : ), which luckily for him was too far away.  I was working with another guy that night but that didn’t really make too much of a difference.   

   After I gave him the boots, the following moments were like a an old fashioned stand off between 2 groups of gun slingers in the Old West, each side waiting for the other to draw first.  After several minutes of trashing talking back and forth…..which I should have known better and turned around and went inside, Ed decided he was going to approach me again. 

Figuring that we were going to thrown down anyway, I stepped out of the confines of the bar and onto the sidewalk.  Anyone who knows anything about the bar scene  knows that this is where all liability is lost and it’s man v. man.  This was a total breach of bouncer etiquette

It was at this point when I look back a question my sanity.  I went mad with anger from all these months of berating and bullying.  Ed was stopped by his friends and never made it to me.  I began to scream….so much so that I couldn’t control the spit coming out of my mouth.  I told him “You obviously want to fuck me or fight me because you keep coming back here…..Let’s do it”  I was pounding my chest and the sidewalk (ala Bobby Hurley style for you Duke fans out there). I did it so hard that I had finger prints on my chest and triceps and hands hurt the follwoing day from the pavement.

 I cannot recall a time in the recent past when an individual has maddened me so much.  Surprisingly the local poilce dept never showed up, and fearing for Ed’s safety his boy pushed him across the street. 

I most certianly am not proud in the least of that poor showing and loss of professionalism I had this past weekend.  However trying seeing from this side.  How would each and everyone of you react if someone had been doing this to you for 10 months? 

Ed and I have some unfinished business to attend to, except next time he will not make get the better of my emotions.  I’ll let the professionals handle it and Ed’s getting arrested the next time he shows his face around my bar. 

Have a great week ya’ll and do not tolerate bulliying in any form.  It’s not right, and no who breaths the same as you do is better than you….no matter what your situation or circumstances may be. 

Thanks for taking the time read everyone.  Make it a great week and as always don’t forget to tip your servers and bartenders : )

 Hit me up if you have any questions or suggestions:


In case you missed it…..

Posted: March 31, 2012 in Uncategorized

Check out the article everyone!


Let me know some thoughts! : )



   Hey everyone, I appreciate you taking the time to click over and take a peek at what I’ve got goin on over here.  This is still pretty fresh, and I’m still in the crawling stages of this whole blogging thing, so you’ll have to bear with me and my growing pains.  Before I go any further, I need to send a big thank you to J$ and his pushing me and giving the platform that has afforded me to give the everyone some insight to the mysterious and somewhat unknown world of bouncing.  Thanks J! You’re the man brotha!

 As I pointed out a few times in my post, the world bouncing can touch any and every emotion and situation that’s known to man.  So as a lot of you can imagine, I most certainly touched on a few personal experiences that were a bit too intense (and graphic)  for Budgets are Sexy….So the question is, while you read were any of you wondering what the most strange and/or off the wall crazy situation was that I had been a part of? 

Well….the following are a few clips for the original post I sent to J which will hopefully display some of the sheer insanity that myself (along with fellow bouncers) put up with and are exposed to on a weekly basis.  (WARNING!!!!!! There is explicit content and language, if that’s not your thing, then click away NOW!!!!!) 

In regards to night to night bouncerly duties and general demeanor….

 “……..if someone doesn’t look anything like the picture on their ID, that’s when you are able question, or ask them to recite information on the card.   Some states use very dated pictures on ID cards and licenses, and people’s looks do change over time, so if they don’t look anything like the picture, and aren’t able to accurately give the info listed on the card, I generally deny them entry to the bar.  Depending on how crabby I am that night, I may or may not take the card and turn it over to my manager at the end of the night.” 


 “…..I can’t deny that there is a time and place for anger and throwing a good beat down on someone or roughing them up a little bit (ask the guy who’s elbow I dislocated with an arm lock after he tried to tackle me, or the people who I’ve choked unconscious) Don’t get me wrong, you really don’t have to take shit from anyone, and if they bother you that much…throw their ass out……. as a rule of thumb, flying off the handle at the slightest infraction of the rules will create more serious problems for all those involved.  The bar I work at right now is involved in a law suit with a patron who was severely beaten by a former bouncer.  Both the bouncer and establishment are being sued for about a quarter million dollars apiece.   Despite the common conception of bouncers being thuggish brutes who react violently to all situations (which can be true in some of cases); the calm, collected and steady demeanor that I’ve spoken about is more beneficial in the long run than a short fuse. “

  Ok, so you’re probably wondering at this point where the craziness and outrageous situations are…..keep readin folks ; )

” On-the-Job Electro-Shock Therapy

There was a situation not too long ago where I turned away a guy who had a suspect ID, expired by about 2 years, and it looked nothing like the current driver’s licenses that the state of New York currently hands out.  His story for this was that he went to college at university in very close by the bar.  The ID and story didn’t add up, so I turned him away at the door.  He refused to leave, and after about 15 minutes of debate I escorted him out the door.  He held on to me as we went out the exit and once we were on the sidewalk he “engaged” with me.  I was able to keep him at bay by putting a hand around his throat, and choking him.  He pulled a taser out of his front pocket and shoved it into my ribs.  If you’ve ever been shocked by an unground outlet, you know how a it feels.  I didn’t black out or pass out when the taser hit me, I backed up to create space between us.  I immediately locked eyes with him and then quickly grabbed the bar stool I was sitting on to clock him one in the head to return the favor. He ran up the street and out of sight.  (Resourcefulness is yet another hallmark of a good bouncer.)

While I would’ve loved to have introduce him to the local police department, we didn’t see him again for the rest of the night.  I filed a report and even got a nice write-up in the local paper for my trouble. (The article is laminated and hanging on fridge – a bouncer’s badge of courage!)”

“…….Any time you work a bouncing shift, it literally can be Murphy’s law brought to life, meaning that whatever can go wrong, will go wrong………… if you haven’t been able to tell yet, there are some very unexpected situations that will come about in this line of work.  Things can be fine for hours or even multiple shifts on end, and then some of the most random things can pop up form nowhere.  Even the best of bouncers with the most attuned skills for crowd and people reading can’t sense these events……….Halloween or St. Patty’s Day are a catalyst for these types of events.  All the weirdoes and social retards come out of their holes for the day.  I can remember a particular such event that happened to me a few Halloweens ago.  I was working at a corner bar, a small a quiet place in my old neighborhood.  I happened to be sitting at table located close to the front door, eating my dinner when a woman (who had no noticeable costume on) strolled by my and stopped a few steps away.  She muttered some type of drunken nonsense took some fries off my plate and began to stroke this dildo she had attached to a strap on which apparently was her costume.  About an hour later, she was dancing on top of a table.  As part of my bouncerly duties, I had to get the fat ass down before she broke the table and injured herself.  After I got her down, she told me I was no fun, and used the big floppy dildo to smack me in the arm…repeatedly.  She even went as far as attempting to smack me on the ass with it.  However I didn’t stand my ground in the situation and retreated to the kitchen to hide for a few minutes.  I can’t say that was the only time I had some unexpected situations come about.  I remember a time a few years ago when I had to break up two German nationals having sex in a far off corner of one of the bar I work at.  Talk about awkward! “

“….the stupid girl was so drunk she charged at one of the bartenders who was sweeping up, and this was even after we allowed her and extra 20 mins to finish her beer.  I grabbed her and carried her in a bear hug out there door and set her down on both feet on the sidewalk.  As soon as I set her down she turned around, grabbed me by the collar and attempted to claw my face off.  I grabbed her hand, twisted her arm behind her and shoved her into the nearest wall……..after I released her, she came at me again, and her friends managed to pull her away……tried to go back inside, but the door had locked behind me!  She escaped from her friends and came at me a 3rd time.  At this point I took her to the ground and kept her there until she gave up her efforts to escape…….while she was still standing there a local cop happened to be driving by…….he gave her a stern talking to (and honestly wanted to arrest her for assault on both me and the bartender, but we talked him out of it) …and that was the first time I was assaulted by a women…..”

  Haha, every word is true! Can’t make up crap like that!  I will admit that if I ever see the kid tazered me again, I’ll most likely knock his teeth right out of his mouth without thinking twice about it. 

 “I don’t believe in and eye for an eye…I believe in an eye for 2 eyes!”- Bas Rutten 

  Alright everyone, that’s all your getting for now.  Please if you like what you’ve read drop me some love and leave a comment, or follow my blog.  Even if you hate it, please let me know why it doesn’t work for you…… your opinion is still valued (although not as much haha)  I fully plan on keeping up with this and if anyone has suggestions for future posts, or some type of topic they want to know about, hit me up!

Behave and be good….errrrrr scratch that, keep drinking you fools, you’re keeping  me employed! Haha

Tip your bartenders and waitresses ; )


  For those of you that are keeping tabs, St.Patrick’s day has come and gone and I’m still here posting, so I’m not dead or injured or in jail : )   It tends to be one of the biggest and most raucous drinking holidays in Cleveland area for some reason.  So this year was a totally different animal than in years past when I’ve worked.  The holiday itself fell on a Saturday, we were in the middle a of streak of 80 degree days, which is unheard of this time of year in Ohio and to rub a little salt in the wound, the place I’m working at has a huge outdoor patio! 

  Downtown Cleveland has on eof the largest St. Patrick’s Day parade in the US and in normal weather it usually brings between 300 to 400k into the city itself.  With the weather being out of this world I heard reports that it was closer to a million people this year, but who the hell knows?  lol

  The managers requested that I come in and work an extra 3 hrs that day, which I happily did.  From 6 until about 9 or 9:30, I literally walked in circles and watched everyone enjoy themselves.  It was pretty boring, but I was getting paid, so I can’t complain.  Finally around 9 my fellow bouncers and i were released to start checking ID’s at the doors.

  Within about 30 mins of starting to check ID’s, there was a young gentleman
(who we’ll call Bob)   who decided he wanted to pull his pants down and show everyone in the bar his underpants.  Being that he was only about 8 feet away from me and that it was a holiday, I decided to show a little mercy & give him a verbal warning rather than throw him out.  Of course it turned into something larger because he was intoxicted.  Bob wanted to know my name, and I told him “It’s none of your fucking business”  Being the slick guy that he was he must have asked one of my coworkers and found out…….about every 15 minutes from there on out I heard him drunkenly screaming my name “Ryan!” As you can imagine it starts to wear on someone’s nerves after while.   

  As time passed, the mood and the level of intoxication of the bar patrons seemingly escalated.  About 11 o’clock the bar was a total shit show.  From people throwin up in trash cans, to people making out inappropriately throughout the bar.  During the time between my intial run in with Bob and 11 I noticed he had started to harass the table of people seated next to him.  I could tell that he was making them uncomfortable because of their body language.  They would pull away when he leaned inappropriatly close and they had a cold reception to him as he was making his way around the table .  So I went over and I asked the table if he was bothering them….the answer was a resounding yes! I gave Bob a pretty good toungue lashing and told him if he didn’t get his shit together than his night there was going to be over. 

  So between the time duriung  11 and midnight I listened to Bob harrassingly scream my name and slowly dig his own grave.  A very sweet young lady he was with pulled me aside and forewarned me that he said he ws going to do something stupid when he was leaving.  Like a lion in the weeds watching a gazelle….I quietly and calmly laid back and waited for him to make his move.

  Finally,  jsut as I finished a carding a group of new patrons, I heard him scream my name again.  “Ryan!”  he exclaimed, followed by “Fuck you pussy!”  As I turned and looked at him he was about 10 feet from me flipping me off.  At that point I stood up and took him by the collar and belt and threw him out onto the sidewalk like a sack trash : ).  Good night Bob, thanks for stopping by.  So as you can see, there is some amount of tolerance for BS and patients needed to perform the job.  However, when you decided to poke at someone for several hours on end, you may not like the results. 

  After the incident with Bob, about 45 minutes later I was called to back alleyway where all emplyees park.  All I was told was that one of the cooks was having an issue.  When I first go to the back alley, the cook was on the phone and I didn’t see anyone else back there, which struck me as pretty odd. 

  So he broke off his phone call with the local police dept to inform me that some drunk patron from the bar was passed out and sleeping in his back seat.  Now I’ve seen some random shit happen in my day, but this was pretty odd.  I walked over to the car, and sure enough there was some idiot back there sleeping.  At the cooks request I roused the moron to wake him up, pulled him out of the backseat and made sure that he didnt go anywhere until the police arrived.    So in the end the police called the kids parents (who live an hour away)  and had them pick him up. 

  I’ve tied a few good ones on in my day and done some pretty dumb shit while under the influence, but nothing of this nature.   Has anyone ever been so intoxicated they do something similar? 

  Well thats all I have for tonight.  If you have any topics your curious about as far as bouncing or want to read about anything specific, hit me up,  Ryan @  Keep on drinking you fools, you’re keep me employed! ; )


Mad Dog????? No Dawg!

Posted: March 13, 2012 in Uncategorized

Has anyone reading this ever attempted to walk into a bar with alchol concealed on their person somewhere?  How about ever tried to enter a bar when your so intoxicated you can’t stand up straight or even find your ID to show proof age? 

  Well i have to say that working as a bouncer for the past 5 years, this is something I see practically every weekend, and generally these are the situations where people ending up biting off more than they chew.  Or they get a case of beer muscles and try to unecessarily start an issue with a bouncer becuase they don’t understand why they’re denied entrance. 

  Considering we’re gearing for a a big midwestern holiday this coming weekend (St. Patty’s Day) I was expecting this past Saturday to be a pretty slow and relatively uneventful night.  For the most part it was, up until about 1:20, when a group of gentlemen attempted to enter the bar and I immediatly knew they would be an issue. They stood outside the front entrance for approximatly 20 minsutes prior to entering and the first one who came in had a backpack on.  This is a big no no in our establishment, so I immediatly told him to lose it, leave it up front, or leave.  He chose to leave….

  The second guy entered, and to put it bluntly, he was so fucked up he barely stand.  So upon making this obswervation very quickley, I started to bust his balls and question him.  “What do you need?” I asked.  To which he replied in a drunken slur that he was there to pick up his cousin Kevin who was working in the kitchen.  Strike one…no Kevin in the Kitchen or that even works there for that matter.  His friend with the backpack then came in and attempted to coax him to leave.  I could feel my blood pressure going up at this point. 

As we bantered back and forth about no Kevin being there I was looking him up and down to make sure he wasn’t armed.  As I did this I couldn’t happen but notice the 20 oz bottle of Mad Dog this upstanding fella had clumbsily stuffed in his front pocket.  At that point my tone became harder and I became a little more stern.  I think I used every “bouncerism” in the book to tell him to leave.  “Time to go”,  “Get the fuck out”  etc, but he wasn’t getting the point and continuing to shug off his friends. 

  At this point the guy tells me that the guys he had been chatting with (and I later observed him walking away with)  were attempting to rob him.  I called BS on that immediatly and at this point I began to (gently) push him towards the door.  It got to a point where I just besr hugged him from behind and walked him out the door.

  Even though he wore on my last nerve it certainly wasn’t the meanest or most explosive way I’ve ever tossed someone, but the robbery allegations and poorly concealed liquor still made it worth noting : ).  Anyway until next time guys.  I’m sure St. Patty’s Day and the 10 hr shift I’ll be working at the bar will bring some interesting stories ; )

Hit me up if you have questions or suggestions: