You mess with the bull….you get the horns

Posted: March 28, 2012 in Uncategorized

  For those of you that are keeping tabs, St.Patrick’s day has come and gone and I’m still here posting, so I’m not dead or injured or in jail : )   It tends to be one of the biggest and most raucous drinking holidays in Cleveland area for some reason.  So this year was a totally different animal than in years past when I’ve worked.  The holiday itself fell on a Saturday, we were in the middle a of streak of 80 degree days, which is unheard of this time of year in Ohio and to rub a little salt in the wound, the place I’m working at has a huge outdoor patio! 

  Downtown Cleveland has on eof the largest St. Patrick’s Day parade in the US and in normal weather it usually brings between 300 to 400k into the city itself.  With the weather being out of this world I heard reports that it was closer to a million people this year, but who the hell knows?  lol

  The managers requested that I come in and work an extra 3 hrs that day, which I happily did.  From 6 until about 9 or 9:30, I literally walked in circles and watched everyone enjoy themselves.  It was pretty boring, but I was getting paid, so I can’t complain.  Finally around 9 my fellow bouncers and i were released to start checking ID’s at the doors.

  Within about 30 mins of starting to check ID’s, there was a young gentleman
(who we’ll call Bob)   who decided he wanted to pull his pants down and show everyone in the bar his underpants.  Being that he was only about 8 feet away from me and that it was a holiday, I decided to show a little mercy & give him a verbal warning rather than throw him out.  Of course it turned into something larger because he was intoxicted.  Bob wanted to know my name, and I told him “It’s none of your fucking business”  Being the slick guy that he was he must have asked one of my coworkers and found out…….about every 15 minutes from there on out I heard him drunkenly screaming my name “Ryan!” As you can imagine it starts to wear on someone’s nerves after while.   

  As time passed, the mood and the level of intoxication of the bar patrons seemingly escalated.  About 11 o’clock the bar was a total shit show.  From people throwin up in trash cans, to people making out inappropriately throughout the bar.  During the time between my intial run in with Bob and 11 I noticed he had started to harass the table of people seated next to him.  I could tell that he was making them uncomfortable because of their body language.  They would pull away when he leaned inappropriatly close and they had a cold reception to him as he was making his way around the table .  So I went over and I asked the table if he was bothering them….the answer was a resounding yes! I gave Bob a pretty good toungue lashing and told him if he didn’t get his shit together than his night there was going to be over. 

  So between the time duriung  11 and midnight I listened to Bob harrassingly scream my name and slowly dig his own grave.  A very sweet young lady he was with pulled me aside and forewarned me that he said he ws going to do something stupid when he was leaving.  Like a lion in the weeds watching a gazelle….I quietly and calmly laid back and waited for him to make his move.

  Finally,  jsut as I finished a carding a group of new patrons, I heard him scream my name again.  “Ryan!”  he exclaimed, followed by “Fuck you pussy!”  As I turned and looked at him he was about 10 feet from me flipping me off.  At that point I stood up and took him by the collar and belt and threw him out onto the sidewalk like a sack trash : ).  Good night Bob, thanks for stopping by.  So as you can see, there is some amount of tolerance for BS and patients needed to perform the job.  However, when you decided to poke at someone for several hours on end, you may not like the results. 

  After the incident with Bob, about 45 minutes later I was called to back alleyway where all emplyees park.  All I was told was that one of the cooks was having an issue.  When I first go to the back alley, the cook was on the phone and I didn’t see anyone else back there, which struck me as pretty odd. 

  So he broke off his phone call with the local police dept to inform me that some drunk patron from the bar was passed out and sleeping in his back seat.  Now I’ve seen some random shit happen in my day, but this was pretty odd.  I walked over to the car, and sure enough there was some idiot back there sleeping.  At the cooks request I roused the moron to wake him up, pulled him out of the backseat and made sure that he didnt go anywhere until the police arrived.    So in the end the police called the kids parents (who live an hour away)  and had them pick him up. 

  I’ve tied a few good ones on in my day and done some pretty dumb shit while under the influence, but nothing of this nature.   Has anyone ever been so intoxicated they do something similar? 

  Well thats all I have for tonight.  If you have any topics your curious about as far as bouncing or want to read about anything specific, hit me up,  Ryan @  Keep on drinking you fools, you’re keep me employed! ; )


  1. Rosie says:

    I’ve been kicked out of a few bars in my heyday, for being wasted… not aggressive or puking under the table or anything like that, thank goodness. I’d say the worst I’ve done while drunk was attempted to sing karaoke… pretty innocuous, unless you’ve ever been subjected to my awful singing voice!

    • Rosie I appreciate the comments : ). Thanks for reading. There most certainly will be more to come. I have never nor will I ever work at a bar that does Karaoke… can be like assault of the ear! : )

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