Tunnel Vision

Posted: May 10, 2016 in Uncategorized

This is my first time interacting on this blog in several months. Based on the stats I just looked at for the blog during my absence, I get the distinct impression that my attempt to relay my message through this avenue will be limited. I’ll be frank when I say that matter very little to me.

People’s attention spans really suck these days. It can be surmised that the more time that passes on certain subjects that the less passion people tend to have towards thing they care about. I don’t care to get up on a soap box and preach, but take a recent example in the latest presidential election. Do you think in another few years that anyone is going to give a lying fuck about which ever one of the idiots isn’t elected?

The answer is most definitely not.

The point is that there’s a good chance if you start something and don’t finish it within a certain period of time that your passion for your project or belief will most likely wane. This stands true for most right brained individuals.

I never claimed that I was of my proper faculties. My passion for this project has never waned. I came here to announce that after countless sleepless night, constant creative thinking and much labor, I’m here to say that I’m close.

I’m starting a kickstarter campaign to help garner some funding for my book . If the spirit moves you, please donate and help me get this god damn thing off my chest!


I’m not sure

Posted: January 5, 2016 in Uncategorized

In 2012, I started this thing on some kind of misguided and confused inclination. His named is J Money, and he runs Budgets are Sexy. He’s a rock star and one helluva a model American.

I’m wondering how many people ever even take a gander at the pile of shit I’ve laid out on this thing so far. Re-reading some of the shit I smeared across here years ago, it makes me wonder how people could ever even read more than a few sentences without vomiting from poor grammar and horrid story lines.

Based on the site stat tools, it looks like more than I ever expected.

So it leads me to wonder out loud how far this could go if I was to actually put some effort back into this thing.

The difference between what I was doing then, and what I’m doing now is that I’ve found my voice. A writer without one is like a porn star without sexual organs. There’s just no sense in even trying.

Maybe I’ll be back, and maybe I won’t. I can’t say for certain.


Posted: December 11, 2012 in Uncategorized

I’m fairly certain that every single person on the face of the planet who goes out to a bar after 9pm on a weekend night has absolutely lost their god damn minds.  How else  Why else would a person of their right mind go to such great lengths to prep themselves for a night out, only to end up looking like a train wreck at the end of the night?  And on top of that, most likely blow a shit load of hard earned money on alcohol only to end up puking it all up into my bar or backseat of a vehicle or sidewalk somewhere?

I find myself wondering things like this as different people pass through my door every week.  Each one of them with a defining characteristic–a uniqueness which duplicated by anyone else.  That is their faces.

The troubles, such as they are, begin with their faces.  My first night on the job it was faces I noticed before anything else.  To this day, I just can’t get past it–I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get past it.

A face can tell you everything you want or need to know about someone with a few moments time.  In a bar/club setting, of course when you add alcohol and god knows what other substances to the mix, the faces become a platform for portraying the deepest and basest feelings and emotions of each person.

Face eventually will lead to an untimely breakdown in communication and almost assuredly lead us to an impasse–a Saturday night stalemate on the sidewalks of Cleveland in which my shortening patience will lock horns with your skinny jeans and  shiny new shirt.  Your side of things wisped away because I just can’t seem to get seem to get past that stupid god damn look you have plastered on your face.  I’ll no longer be able to stand the sight of you and I’ll need you out of my site, just as soon as humanly possible.

Think about that the next time you walk into a bar.  Chances are more than likely that you’re being judged based on some visible feature your showing.









Posted: November 29, 2012 in Uncategorized

The older I’ve gotten, the more cognizant I’ve become of the fact that I cannot fucking stand it when people waste my time.  I don’t care if it be personally, professionally or otherwise, I cannot stand when people act as if they’re concerned or interested in your general well being for any period of time and the *poof* disappear into thin air. Rarely or never to be seen or heard from again.  Essentially I’m saying I’m sick of being used be people

A lot of people may argue that me working in a bar for the past 6 years has been a rendition of me wasting my own time.  Something I just said I cannot stand.  I’ve been thinking about the reasons why I have continued to show up religiously ever weekend over that time.

When I think about it, what exactly has it given me?  Nothing!  Sure I may have gotten laid a time or 2, but have I met my wife? No. Have I even had anything more than a one night stand come from it?  No way. It certainly hasn’t brought me any closer to any financial goals or personal improvement that I have set for myself either.

I first started working in bar sheerly for the hell of it.  I had no reason to start working in bars.  I pretty much did it on a whim and because I have a friend who asked me because I was a “big motherfucker” .  It wasn’t out of necessity, it wasn’t because I wanted to get out more and meet new people either.  It was simply “because”.

As they say, “life happens”  well it happened for me in a big way, and that “because”  turned into a necessity.  When you have nothing more than a loaf of bread, cheese and mustard in your cupboard and you don;t know where your next meal is going to come from, I suppose that you’ll do anything necessary to provide for yourself or or loved ones.  Thank God I only have myself to worry about and no one else.

However, being the realist I am ….I have to think about the things that the bouncing opportunities have afforded to me. I have been able to slowly rebuild my life my from the very bottom up.  While it is a process and taking time, I managing to make it happen, one night at a time.



Posted: October 22, 2012 in Uncategorized

I’ve been doing alot of thinking recently.  My side project has been consuming my thoughts, and it being what it is, it’s made me do a great deal more thinking than I ever remember doing. Even at my full time job, I’ve found myself only half there because my thought process has been spent half on the mind numbing ridiculous tasks they assign for me to do and the other half just thinking

The bar has been horribly slow as well, so with  I’ve been able to spend even more time thinking about what lies ahead. With life being what it has been for me over the past year, it’s only natural for this process to take place. 

Instability seems to have become a way of life for everyone in this day and age.  What you have today could be here today and with in the blink of an eye.  I learned this lesson hard and fast (several times) with the past 12 months.  Not only have I lost the autonomy that I had as a single adult man, but I also lost in terms of relationships as well.  I’m not going to elaborate because I don’t care to, plus no one out there really will give a shit anyway.  So I know what it’s like to sucker punched by life and when your least expecting it.  It fucking sucks.

Because uncertanty has become such a way of life, I’ve personally learned to become a bit more self reliant and gritty in terms of my work ethic.  Call it a side hustle of call it becing over ambitious, but bouncing has contributed greatly to the way that I address my situation and even though I hate the job sometimes, I’m greatful for it everyday.  Just remember that it’s not always the smartest man that’s going to come out on top…there have been plenty of great men who have been out work by someone with greater heart. 

  My storey is not untypical….there are so many people out there who have lost so much more than me.  However the difference between myself and those others is the fact that I’ve made steps to attone and adjust my sitatuation.  So many times throught out my life I’ve had people spit in my face…both literally and figuratively.  Discard me and kick me to the curb like a common street rat. 

To wrap things up here, I just want to say I’ve learned to say fuck those people.  You or I or anyone needs validation from anyone for anything.  Work hard, show up everyday, give it your all and great things will happen.

“I let my haters be my motivators”


Long overdue…

Posted: October 17, 2012 in Uncategorized

Well, for those of you who give two squirts of piss. After much consideration, I’ve decided to get this thing back up and running again.

No one probably cares where I’ve been for so long, but I’m going to tell you anyway.

Life is weird…god damn is it ever. Unfortunatly decisions you make affect you for a long time. I was in a very tough spot mentally and emotionally for quite sometime. String stupidity together with a string of shitty luck, and you’ve got yourself a regular clusterfuck. My life was a clusterfuck for awhile, and it led to me having to step back and just concentrate on myself for quite sometime.

Life, as it has a way of doing, seemingly adjusted itself for me. Now that I have some clarity and stability I feel that it’s time I pick up this side project again.

For those of you who know me, I have had a long running project going for sometime….well I’m still working on it. Now, more than ever though, I’m able to see some light at the end of the seemingly endless tunnel that this project has been. I’ve got the right people in my corner. I will tell that when this thing hits, it’s going to be a fucking freight train, and no one will have seen it coming.

It’s late, and I have a big boy job to get to tomorrow. Don’t forget to tip your bar tenders and waitresses.


Well, per my last installment, I said that I had picked some extra shifts in an effort to bring in some extra some extra cash.  This opportunity is huge because I’ve had some big time life changes recently. Changes  that are screaming at me to get out and do everything necessary to make as much money as possible.  So the plan is to do just that……if I have to run myself into the ground doing it, I’m going to succeed and get to where I want to be. 

  Now for anyone who’s ever been in college knows that Thursday nights are generally the biggest night to party on just about any college campus.  “Thirsty Thursday” are chock full amatuers and stupidity.  The area I work in recently had one of the only other establishments shutter it’s doors after a long run in the area.  Now what this means for my bar is overflow from their closing.  The place was notoriously more rowdy and unsettled than the one I work at. 

  We’re now in the 2nd week of dealing with this closing, and it has not been an easy transition for us to deal with to say the least.  Last week on Thursday we had soem horses as take the top of toilet tank in the men’s room and shatter it agianst the wall.  Good thing for that idiot, the local PD was in the bar to help us clear out at the end of the night and they arrested him before we kicked the shit out of him for fighting with the bartenders and destroying the property.

  So this past Thursday wasn’t any different than the past…..a large rowdy mass of drunken, sloppy twenty-somethings running amok.  The influx of people generally starts around 11 pm, and doesn’t subside until we either stop letting people in.  So things get crazy very quickley. 

  There’s a door on the back of the bar, right by the restrooms which lead to the back emplyeee parking lot.  When properly secured it can only be opened from the inside.  Thursday night this door nedds to be monitored contstantly because all these little shits like to either prop it open or just flat out let their friends right in.  I caught at least a dozen people trying to sneak in this way or trying to let thier friends in this way.  It’s honestly one of the easiest things I do because it’s a black and white issue.  Usually when you catch someone in the act, there’s little argument and they go peacefully, so compared to some of the other bullshit that goes on, it’s a pretty easy issue to deal with. 

  Another big issue is all these sneaky little bitches bringing in outside alcohol in their luggage sized purses.  This past Thursday I had an experience in dealing with this that demostrates the kind of stuck mentality I have to deal with every week.  I caught a girl blatantly drinking a 16 oz can of Bud Light in the middle of the bar this past Thursday…….we dont serve that.  So as you could imagine when I saw her, I took the can and told her she needed to leave. 

  At first, she wasn’t very resistant.  However it she quicklery turned to the “I want your name”  to which my response was that “It’s none of your fucking business” .  So then she proceed to tell me that the “customer was always right”, and that he parents owned that exact type of restaurant in a different city…..to which my response was that “So that means your a spoiled cunt and havent had to work a day for anything in your life” 

  I guess she didn’t take to kind to that because started jamming her finger into my chest and continued to ask my name.  I don’t exactly take kindly to being poked at, or being told that I’m a loser because I’m working, trying to make my life a little bit better.  Her and no one else on this planet, regardless of how much money that have or their family has is any better than me.  As a matter of fact, I’d rather bust my ass working than live off of old money that I didn’t have a hand in helping earn.   Suffice to say that when the finger came out, I grabbed it and escorted her to the door real fast…. And to the darling young lady who is going to “have me fired” because I caught you with the cans of beer….fuck you cunt.  Your face looks like the stuff that my dog leaves in tightly coiled piles on my back lawn. 

  Alright ya’ll;  I’m off until next time. 



Aside  —  Posted: May 12, 2012 in Uncategorized